Am I right?

A certain unnamed individual and I have been having a debate about terrorism.  I say that the use or threat of violence(terror) to achieve a goal is terrorism.  That person disagrees but does not give his/her own definition of terrorism.  So I explained it to him/her like this,  “look mother fucker here is what Merriam-Webster says, “the systematic use of terror especially as a means of coercion.”  To me that’s pretty good.  But no.  Am I right or what?

…but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night

Here’s the newest Holiday Inn Express commercial (in my mind).  It starts at at gynecologist’s office with a woman in stirrups and her lower body is covered in a white sheet.  A man in a white coat walks in and says “let’s have a look.”  He proceeds to pull up a short stool, prod and poke her vagina and make comments such as “well this doesn’t look right, I think we should take a pap smear and possibly biopsy this growth.”  The woman is scared shitless by the word biopsy but is grateful to the doctor because he may have caught the cervical cancer early.  She then proclaims, “thank you doctor.”  At which point he says the inevitable, “oh, I’m not a doctor, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.”  The commercial ends with the woman curling up in the fetal position and weeping softly because of the vaginal intrusion by a complete stranger.   I really should write commercials (which is entirely possible due to the writers strike).

Dude, where’s your gun?

So I was walking through the Killeen, TX mall the other day and I noticed a security guard walking around.  This normally wouldn’t set off any alarms in my mind, seeing that rent-a-cops are everywhere in the mall.  However, I was looking at the gear he was wearing and noticed that he was wearing a gun holster.  This also wouldn’t normally set off any alarms in my head.  The catch is…there was no gun in the holster and he did not have the gun in his hand.  Why would you wear a holster but no gun.  The answer is simple, you wouldn’t.  So where’s the gun?  My hypothesis is as follows…the guard was hanging out in the food court when a group of hot high school chicks walked by.  He beckoned them over and wowed them with his awesome job and allowed them to hold his gun.  When this was over he took one of them to the john and did what sleazy security guards do best, plow underage pussy.  The only problem is that he left his firearm on the table at the food court!  Good job dick.